I wanted to keep my pregnancy news under wraps until we hit the "safe to share" mark, so I decided to chronicle what happened throughout those three months. Re-reading it now makes me laugh because it really has been such a roller coaster ride. Overwhelming excitement dotted with moments of sheer terror on a nearly day-by-day basis, if not minute-by-minute.
Maybe it's because I'm a naturally anxious person, but I'm glad to be moving further and further away from the first trimester, and into what I understand is the best time in pregnancy.
So without further ado - my mixed up, up-and-down, hormonal account of the these past few months (broken in to three parts).
The first week
October 24 – It’s my parents 44th wedding anniversary and I find out I’m pregnant after taking a test as soon as I wake up. I really want to call them and tell them on their special day. I do the prudent thing and tell the dog, but otherwise I keep it to myself until Jay gets back from his business trip tonight. I take a picture of the test that reads: “Pregnant 1-2 weeks” and head to work. I keep looking at the picture on my phone to confirm I haven’t gone crazy. I sit in a TWO HOUR meeting and all I can think is, “You guys! I’m pregnant! I don’t care about ANY of this!” I feel sort of mad. Like out-of-my-mind, mad. Can’t stop grinning, I might just unknowingly blurt out “I’m pregnant!” to strangers, kind of mad. When Jay gets home, I I tell him the news. He’s shocked. I can see the excitement and terror all over his face. That night at dinner we sit at the bar at a local restaurant and just sort of look at each other. It feels completely surreal. I order 2 tonic waters with lime. I’m definitely going to miss vodka.
October 25 – I wake up early to take another pregnancy test. Jay asks groggily from bed, “still pregnant?” to which I reply “yup!” We get up, and I pour myself a big bowl of cereal – soluble fiber – check! I’m a great mom already. We do what we normally do. Jay goes golfing. I go to Ikea. It appears that every single pregnant lady in Pittsburgh is there too.
October 26 – We decide that all of these house projects we have been talking about need to happen, and they need to happen NOW! Jay goes to Home Depot and buys a table saw, crown molding, and nail gun. I ask him politely not to point it at me. If only I had known this news would be such a motivator for him to get things done around the house. Later on that day I buy “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from Target and read every page that pertains to me at this point. I say a little prayer that I don’t get hemorrhoids. This book is scarier than the nail gun.
October 27 – Going back to work Monday morning feels like a good thing. Time goes by very slowly when your weekends don’t involve alcohol. I plug some dates in to a due date calculator and figure out that I’m due around 4th of July. Jay and I joke that we should name the baby ‘Merica.
October 28 – I call my doctor to get an appointment to confirm my pregnancy. The receptionist asks me why I need an appointment. I tell her about the two positive pregnancy tests. She says “OK.” I wonder if she knows that she’s the second person in the world (besides the dog) I’ve told about this. Maybe "congratulations" would have been a better response. I’d take a half-hearted “that’s great news!” Instead she tells me they can’t see me for another month, which would be week 8 of my pregnancy. I book an appointment for the day before Thanksgiving. I wonder if I can keep it under wraps until then. This could be a fun surprise for my family around the dinner table. Spoiler alert: that doesn’t happen.
October 29 – I’m very, VERY tired at the end of the day. I’d love a glass of wine (make that 3) and an early bedtime. When I announce I’m headed to bed at 8:30, Jay gives me the “really?” face, and I tell him I’ve been very busy today at a cellular level. That makes us both laugh.
October 30 – That scary book “What to Expect” has convinced me that something is wrong. I do a lot (a lot!) of research and come to the conclusion I should take another pregnancy test just to be safe now that I’m one more week pregnant. I am. It now says “Pregnant 2 – 3 weeks.” Thank god! I'm tossing that book.
October 31 – Halloween. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that this time next year I will have a nearly 4 month old baby. What should I dress it up as? Things that are also crossing my mind include: my child will be young for their grade; my child will never get to celebrate their birthday at school; my child will go to Kindergarten in 2020. I will be 50 when my child is 20. My child will have lived half as long as I have when I’m 60. I feel so old.
Part 2 tomorrow.